Tuesday, June 8, 2010

For awhile I tried...

Dear Future Husband,

I thought i knew who "you" were. Maybe I still have a lot to learn. 

You will laugh cos you can't believe the obstacles i went through to get to you. 

Husband, my world is crumbling. Right this very second.

You have no idea. {Maybe you dropped something in your steady hands and got a feel for your future wife's pain and didn't even realize.} 

dearest husband, i need to stop settling for anything less than butterflies. Dearest Husband, i am making a vow-- even before i know you-- to have a relationship with myself and admit OUT LOUD my downfalls. It's a hard thing to do--- but i am done pretending. I am yearning for something more, something lasting. Dear Husband, you should know that your wife... your wife prayed for you. She did. She walked away from something unhealthy, as much as it hurt her to, she did. She did for you. Because dearest husband, you deserve me--- the real me, the me free from guilt/free from shame, READY, ready to take on this life with you. TO LET GO OF EVERYTHING ELSE.

Oh my dearest husband, please hug me again because i have waited patiently and impatiently for your embrace.

and husband? that's all i need. your embrace. your unguarded embrace. In that embrace i find love, understanding, consolation... because my God you've been there too. YOU GET ME. It is all i ever wanted in life. I love you future husband, more than you'll ever know....

so please hurry up and save me? 

"Darling, it’s alright
She said at the end of a fight
Don’t let the money and strain
Play us a fools again

For a while I tried
For a while I won
For a while I held your hand
In the setting sun

Honey, it’s ok
I said at the end of a day
We’ll find a place to go
Somewhere there’s no one we know

For a while I tried
For a while I won
For a while I held your hand
In the setting sun

For a while I tried
For a while I won
For a while I held your hand
In the setting sun

For a while I tried
For a while I won
For a while I held your hand
In the setting sun

For a while I tried
For a while I won
For a while I held your hand
In the setting sun"

-Sleeper Car, "Wednesday Nights" (please google it, it's beautiful and my saving grace in this abyss)


Gracie said...

Oh wow! Micaela! I have no words for this but this is amazing!

And I will have to check out that song. xx

Summer {Bisfor...} said...

darling babygirl. what is going on? i want you to be happy and without turmoil. i adore you.

Gabby said...

Oh my friend. I'm worried about you and hoping that you are okay. Sending you all my love.

Meg Fee said...

oh dear, oh dear. hoping you're okay. you deserve the best. you're such a special person.

Lauryn said...

Hoping everything is okay with you lady. *Internet Hugs*

Sarah C said...

aww girl. your past two post have been beautiful. i so hope everything is okay right now. thank you for your honesty and soul-bearing. and know you are in my thoughts and prayers right now!

danielle and dinosaur toes said...

i hope everything is okay, and know that i'm here for you if you need me. love you, sweet friend!

Faiza said...

nothing but

Fallon said...

Sending a big hug your way =)

jackiek said...

oh goodness i hope everything is okay! you absolutely deserve all the happiness in the world. xoxo

Jen said...

Ok, now I'm getting a tad worried, and I just want to make sure everything is ok. That YOU are ok. Sending you love.

Cole said...

I am worried about you darling and hoping & praying everything is ok. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to give you some sunshine in your life.

Megan said...

Micaela, I hope everything is ok? I want to be there to give you a big hug. Thinking of you!

Sara said...

I love you, I just felt like I should tell you :)

Are you okay?

Geisslein said...

oh? is everything ok? where is your smile today? hope you´ll find it back soon! a hug from germany, geisslein

Jumbleberry Orchard said...

I really hope you're ok Micaela - sending you lots of love and sparkle.

Ria said...

email nudge... and virtual hug xx

:: Gina :: said...

im crying ..

totally moved
how lucky you are :)

BrittanButterfly said...

Micaela, you are so sweet, I hope everything is ok. You have so many friends here and I am one more. I am here if you need anything!

heisschic said...

let me know if you need an exotic vaca to ohio- (ok, maybe not exotic)...

thoughts and prayers, lovee...

Phoenix Peacock said...

I'm sending you lots of love! You will save yourself, and in that moment, when you find that you don't need anyone else to make you whole, he will walk into your life and fall in love with your confidence, your ability, and the all around you that you already are (faults and all). so trust in your faith, and trust in you. You will survive this, and be better for it. And yes, your future husband, will love you immensely for all the trouble you've gone through. love love love. email me if you want!

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

Darling, would you accept a hug from a friend? I hope you are doing ok. I just wrote a post about servicemen and your dear brother. He sent me a flag and I was so touched. I really have been wondering and should send you a proper email. *Hugs*

Anonymous said...


you shouldn't.
you should never settle for anything less than butterflies.
if i had a dollar for everytime i thought i had maybe found "the one"
well.. than i'd only have 5 dollars.
which is still enough to buy a chai tea and sit and cry about not finding him yet. but you will!
you are far too fabulous and deserving not too.
keep your head up girl.

we're all rooting for you :)

CC. said...

i know i have been mia for a while but i just stumbled across your blog and was catching up. i hope youre ok sweetie! xoox

Carolyn said...

Sweet Micaela~

I am sending you much much love and many hugs. Never settle for anything but butterflies and true love. If you need to talk please know I am a very good listener. Love, Carolyn

Nicole Leigh said...

this brought me to tears. making me think about my life and relationship right now.
also I am going out and buying eat pray love right now thanks to your below post.

erin elder said...


I hope whatever bumps in the road you may be dealing with are over soon. Hope everything is ok... You are a very special person and there's alotta love here in the blogisphere... just in case you need it.


Fabi said...

Oh girl...this post made me cry. I hope you feel better soon! *hug* Let me know when I can cheer you up somehow.


April said...

I really hope you're okay.

Ash said...

Micaela, I hope all is ok with you. Look how many people love you! I'm worried about you... but know that I (and lots of others) are here for you!

Ethan said...

no matter what.....

you're loved.

Ethan said...

no matter what

you're loved.

JenRem said...

Lots and lots of <3 <3 <3 headed your way my love.

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