Tuesday, June 15, 2010

where to begin?


hello my sweetest friends. I know it's been forever and i'm sorry it has been... i have immersed myself in books and films (woody allen, oh he's the secret to forgetting for a few hours).

but there is no real comfort like home is there?

that in tears i can call my momma and she doesn't even ask me why i'm crying, only hears that i am and lets me know that everything will be fine.

it's what i need. My momma. Her comfort. 

and so tomorrow i will pack a suitcase for a flight on thursday that will take me to my beloved Texas for a few weeks... to heal and to laugh with my family and friends again. To continue on this journey of forgiving myself, and to give my darling the space he needs. 

that last part? hurts my heart more than i can tell you, and yet i understand why.



we had planned to go to Texas in July when my family will be in town (including my darling nieces and nephew from Italy & Germany-- i can't wait to feel their hugs!!!) but i will be just going earlier than planned and pray with all my heart that he decides to meet me there. 


that is the latest my lovies. (oh, and i quit my job... there's that) 

I promise to try and get back to "regular" postings soon, so thank-you for being so understanding and supportive. While i'm home, i fully intend on catching up on all of your lives! i've missed you.

As upside down as my life is right now, know that i'm never without hope. Never. & there's so much i'm already doing to better myself that i'm excited about... like running more often; finding a job that doesn't make me miserable and helps others; read more; shop less... little things. 

and not so little things, but that's between me and my future husband, whoever he is. 

(i hope i already know who "he" is)



i can tell you one thing i do know for sure... i can't wait to hug my twinkie!

30 comments:

Erin said...

Oh my dear sweet girl, I'm so glad you're going home to Texas. It's where you need to be. I hope the hugs and love and laughter of your family will help to heal your heart, and I pray that Max will meet you there very soon...

Have a safe journey. I'll be thinking of you.
xoxoxo E

Lauren Nicole said...

despite being somewhat still confused, i'm glad to hear that things are a bit better and YOU are happy with how things are starting to turn out. :] if i don't talk to you until after, i hope you have a very safe flight and that everything and anything else comes together and starts to work itself out in the best way possible for you (and whomever is destined to be your beloved.) <3 <3
- L

Sara said...

I just hope you don't undermine yourself, or underestimate yourself. You are worth it. You are a great person. I hope everything works out perfectly for you...

Claire Kiefer said...

Home will feel so good. I'm sending all my love your way . . .

yellowismyfavorite said...

Micaela,
I know I don't know you, but I feel like I do! And, I miss your posts. And, I'm praying for you. I hope that you have already met your husband, too. <3

Diana

Bianca J said...

Oh Micaela, I am so sad to hear you in pain - I sincerely hope that what the universe has planned for you in this period of time in your life pans out to be just what you needed. It sounds like Texas is the perfect place to help you heal - I hope you're smiling soon :)

Geisslein said...

I don´t know what happened, because - you know - unfortunatelly my english is not the best. But I know, you will find your way and everything will be allright...we just need patience and confidence and the universe will give us, what right is for us! How great, that you have your family - enjoy your time and find your smile back! you are so beautiful with your similing face ;o) sending you a hug, geisslein

Megan said...

Darling Micaela, I have been thinking of you over these last couple of days, hoping and praying that everything will be ok for you. I know you are strong and have loving friends and family to look after you.
Don't worry about "normal blogging" look after yourself and take time to heal,we will always be here no matter what. You are always in my thoughts.

Claudia said...

Oh! Dear Micaela there is NO place like HOME! you will find comfort there with your mommy, family and friends then things WILL get better they will fall into place! xoxo

shelly said...

have a wonderful, healing trip! i have taken a few of those myself. xoxo...and good for you for quitting a job that you weren't happy with!

Krissa said...

Oh I am thinking and praying for you dear sweet girl... the fact that you are trying to better yourself, forgive yourself, and focus on the things that will make you happy truly shows how mature you are ... i admire you... I hope all is well...just know you are in my thoughts!!!!
I hope you have a great time in TX and continue to heal and grow!
xoxo

Gracie said...

Sometimes you just need to comfort of your family around you! I hope they give you plenty of hugs and ears to listen.

Take care of yourself hun! xx

Phoenix Peacock said...

Much love! Have a safe trip, and I know your family will be excited to have you home and in their arms!

Carolyn said...

Sweet Micaela~

Take care of you! I wish you love, light and luck with your situation. Sending oodles of hugs. xoxo

J. said...

We MUST get together while you are in Texas, Mickey! It's a MUST. I can't wait to HUG YOU!!
Love you, pretty girl!

Marisa said...

my darling bestie... you are such a strong and beautiful soul and I know this time with your family is just what you need. xoxo

M

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

Big hugs my dear. You are a wonderful, sweet person and your future husband knows/will know that!

Jen said...

M, I really hope you are able to resolve whatever is going on between you and Max. I have no idea what happened, but I'm thinking of your and sending love and positive energy.

Texas will be good for you, this I know.

Miss you!

kittycat said...

i'm glad you get to go home to texas :) i am sending my love and prayers

m.a.f said...

so glad you're taking some time home. nothing more healing that that. we're all rooting for you darling girl. all of us. i think of you often and can't wait to see what the future holds for you, both near and far, because i know only good things are in store.

much love to you!

sharlyn emily said...

Its always so important to go home and HEAL after something tragic. Just know.. that even if he doesn't follow you.. someday somebody will. and at that point you will have NO QUESTION he is the one you are supposed to be with.

eQ said...

Life is crazy. My world has been flipped upside down. But we trudge on, right? Have a safe trip. =)

Faiza said...

love the gifts you are giving yourself...we should all have that much self love and self respect! enjoy home.

Faiza said...

love the gifts you are giving yourself. we should all have such self love and self respect. enjoy the open arms of being home.

April said...

Going home should be cleansing. I hope it gives you what you need right now.

Erin said...

Take comfort in your family and in being back in Texas; it's what you need right now, and I'm so glad you're doing what you need for you, and for Max. I hope everything turns out as it should and know that we all love you!!

Gabby said...

Friend, I really like what Sara said: "Don't undermine or underestimate yourself. YOU ARE WORTH IT." You are. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. I know your time in Texas will help so much. Lots of love to you.

carmar76 said...

sometimes twinkie hugs are all you need! until then, *HUGS* from an iowa friend. : ) safe travels!

Carrie

The Socialite said...

Mickey-darling,

(Can I call you that, because I just LOVE the way it sounds? :))

I hope you find the comfort and laughter that you very much need and deserve in Texas. I'm glad you're keeping your head high and I'm also so proud that you follow your instincts and keep moving forward. :)

Hugs and hugs and hugs!

Every Little Counts said...

micaela...
oh wow. i am just catching up with you now after taking a bit of a mental and physical break from the internet and now i am just stunned. i'm not sure what is going on, but i am thinking of you and sending you a big, big hug. you are seriously one of the sweetest people i have ever come across... even if only through this weird virtual world. i hope this trip home brings you love, recovery, and clarity. please keep us posted- you know we all love you!

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