my first attempt (i stress that) on a little video hello.

i will just pretend i was having a skype date with my darling readers (you look beautiful tonight by the way!) because this is a very quick attempt at a video hello.

i was just playing around and thanks to M convincing me to hit "publish" (oh my bestie) here's some sunday evening entertainment at my expense. i was going to do another one where i was better prepared, didn't have a fly-away hair, etc. etc. but then i thought, that wouldn't be a true version of me. So i didn't and i just hit record and went with it.

and don't worry! i didn't go on and on, in fact sorry it cuts off before i got to say have a beautiful monday, but you know i hope you will!


my first attempt at a vlog from micaela maxham on Vimeo.

oh and that little creature that walks around on my couch and distracted me for a second is stella bear who wanted to also say hi!

Not only do i want to thank-you for pressing play, thank-you for watching and maybe laughing. who knows if i'll ever do one of these again (and maybe have the courage to do a real actual vlog and not just my video hello) but i thought it would be at least fun for you to see me in motion and hear my voice.

curiously, do i sound like you thought i would? 

(and if you happen to stumble upon my blog for the first time tonight, please do not judge me on this!)


ps. joel, do you notice the top i am wearing? it's my favourite. your mom gave it to me once upon a time...

you know what? enough about me for a moment. tell me about you!

i want to know what your friends call you. how old are you? what do you do?  & where do you live?

in other words, i want to get to know you so allow me to be nosy?

i'll start:

My name is Micaela but my friends call me Mickey (my bestie calls me M).

I'm 26 as of this past March.

I just quit a job with J.Crew but before that, I worked in PR for my hometown (my dream job).

I live in Virginia but right now i'm home at my parents in my beloved Texas.

your turn! xoxo

i'm excited to hear your answers lovies!!!

(I want to even hear from you readers who hardly comment because even you-- especially you-- i want to know. Thank you for your quiet support)

image : my polaroid blog.

I am unredeemable.

a note: i have the urge to hit delete on this. It may be too much to understand, if you've never been there, and that's fine. But this is my heart on my sleeve.


For the longest time, I felt like my broken relationship defined me. It gave me a crutch to be a victim and have an excuse for my careless actions. It was who I accepted I was... that girl. I thought (and earnestly hoped) that a good guy who loved me for my light and regardless of my darkness (cos God knows he tried) would be enough to magically change me over night. No work on my part.

... that it would happen because it was meant to happen.

and now, and now when i'm seeing it all clearly--- that it doesn't work like that; that i have to want it bad enough to work on me --- it may be too late to save what i have broken.

i believe in God's plan for my life. I think there's a reason, He waited so long for me to find a book by chance in a book shop far away from my home. A book i had been wanting to read but never picked up.

But there it was... on a shelf in a shop that doesn't usually carry new bestsellers.

(this is a sign, i believe in those, you just have to listen)

in these pages, i have found myself. my glorious failings. My defects.

i know this sounds crazy, dear readers. but hear me out.

i wasn't kidding when i said that this book could possibly change my life. It already has. I feel it inside myself, somewhere i can't even pin point to except possibly in my heart that is so heavy burdened with damage-- the worse kind of damage; the self-inflicted kind.

dear readers, if you never pick this book up off the shelves then consider this my gift to you:

sooo many of it's pages are dog eared in my copy (and i'm not even done yet) but yesterday when i was so sick with grief and emptiness, these lines were there. I needed them at that exact moment. If you have ever been this lost, this hard on yourself... if you've ever been good at brooding about a relationship that is clearly not healthy for you... then these words are for you.


pg 182-185



"I was unredeemable. And this unredeemed dark hole was still inside me. Even in moments of happiness and excitement (especially moments of happiness and excitement) I could never forget it for long... And that felt like it would never change, never release...


"One of these days this has to end," I said. "I just wish I knew how." 


....


INSTRUCTIONS FOR FREEDOM


1.  Life's metaphors are God's instructions.


2.  There is nothing between you and the Infinite. Now, let go.


3.  The day is ending. It's time for something that was beautiful to turn into something else that is beautiful. Now, let go.


4.  Your wish for resolution was a prayer. Your being here is God's response. Let go, and watch the stars come out-- on the outside and on the inside.


5.  With all your heart, ask for grace, and let go.


6.  With all your heart, forgive him, FORGIVE YOURSELF, and let him go.


7.  Let your intention be freedom from useless suffering. Then, let go.


8.  Watch the heat of the days pass into cool nights. Let go.


9.  When the  karma of a relationship is done, only love remains. It's safe. Let go.


10.  When the past has passed from you at last, let go. Then climb down and begin the rest of your life. With great joy. 




...Then I shut my eyes and I said, "Dear Lord, please show me everything I need to understand about forgiveness and surrender."

Friday... BEFORE TEXAS!!!

i feel like dancing!!! tomorrow i will board a plane that will take me to my beloved TEXAS for 10 days home + my birthday (all thanks to my beloved!). Lovies, please say a prayer for my safe travel... flying still makes me nervous. (I always hope to sit next to someone nice so they'll hold my hand during take off and landing.)


i hope your Fridays are filled with just as much excitement!

since it's Friday, how about a round of

1. One thing I MUST do before I die is have a little family. I would love to have my future husband's minni me's running around in little cotton socks. And something i've always dreamt of is sitting outside the Taj Mahal.

2. I would rather have passion than settling any day.

3. If I could give my younger self one piece of advice it would be don't rush into moving in with your boyfriend at 18. You'll never know what it's like to be single in your own space and have your own things. It is your 26 year old self's biggest regret.

4. If I won the lottery tomorrow I'd buy my parent's a house, send a lot of it to the Philippines for my Lola (grandma) and then travel to Africa and be part of UNICEF for a good while .

5. The best surprise ever was the beautiful ring from Max.

6. My biggest fault is my stubbornness .

7. My biggest strength is my openness- i am that girl that loves to mingle in any social situation. Max says it's my gift .

play along at the little things we do.

(image: we heart it)

youth.

while unpacking a couple of boxes, i found childhood photographs of an ex boyfriend. My first serious ex boyfriend. The first guy i dreamt of spending forever with.

i knew he should have these, that they no longer belonged to me.


inside the card, i wrote this:

"As much as I'm going to miss these (my little Jolie) I know that you should have them. I found them tucked away in an old wallet and was sad...

sad for failing this little boy.

"Think only of the past as it's remembrance gives you pleasure." -Jane Austen

ps. I am so thankful you are still part of my life."

and honestly i am.


i often forget that he was very much my heart's first lesson. I don't give him that credit because i'm much too blind from a greater love than i've ever known.


but Once Upon a Time....

Things I wish I could have told 16 year old me.

this is me at 16. (the red streaks are testament to my growing pains)


Wendy over at Red Boots has a series called "Dear 16 year old me."

this is what i emailed her, with my letter enclosed:

"forever i've been scribbling my letter for your series. I think tonight, on this cold winter night... i finally have it! so i'll share it with you and remember. I'll remember the road that led me to my happily ever after. I wish i could hug that girl i was... the one i have a hard time knowing. Let me introduce you to her by way of my 25 year old (and hopefully wiser!) self."

read my letter on Red Boots today and let me know what you think? it's a bit of a personal one so thanks for letting me share pieces of myself with you. xo

(and thanks Wendy for giving me the opportunity)

just a dollop made me blush

the terribly sweet Risti of Dollop made me her weekly blog obsession.

can i say i was THRILLED and bewildered she chose my little ol corner of the internet? {esp. cos i fell in love with her blog at first read.}

please say hello & see me?


thank-you for making my day Risti Megan! (and my pup Maverick's)

it made me blush. I hardly am the girl to get featured, so from my heart to yours- thank-you!

ps. she just opened an etsy, & i forsee

lots of her pretty garlands at my wedding

Fill in your answers.

1. If I weren't a public relations assistant (though currently unemployed in my new city) I'd love to be a writer for PEOPLE/Glamour magazine or do my dream of opening up a doggy daycare .

2. When I'm super upset I tend to overreact and cry while listening to music (husband-to-be knows if Coldplay's "Lost" is on, something's wrong) but usually calling my twin sister works (she makes everything better) .

3. My favorite thing about myself is my ability to open up to anyone. Feature: my Nationality- how many people can say they're half hispanic/half filipino?

4. If I found a $100 in the pocket of last winter's coat I'd spend it on etsy. A valentine's gift for Max .

5. Even though some people might consider this a flaw, I love my scars.

6. I love the way I feel when I look down at my left hand. I still can't believe i'm blessed with the love of a good man and my best friend .

7. I love my hair most when it's rumpled like bed head but works just right .

*Join in Lauren's Friday fun and link up at The Little Things We Do.

Happy Friday Lovies!!! you deserve this weekend. What are your plans?

We're expected up to 10 inches of snow, and since fiance is a meteorologist, he'll be working this weekend. I'll be snowed in, but I plan on practicing my craftiness while creating valentines for a couple of home made card swaps.

{simple things}

wearing my hair 2 days dirty and uncombed...

my new boots i scored for $1.25

(that will keep me warm in the up to 10 inches of snow we're expecting this weekend)...

that my puppy maverick seems to like them too...

a package from my momma who sent it to me c/o my fiance.

isn't she cute? with my fave coffee cookies from italy

& my coffee mug (a giveaway win from The Novelista Barista) ...

hanging up art tonight with Max, our house starting to feel like home...

roadtrips... that Max always drives us to where we're going safely

& let's me control the radio....

photographs of my parent's wedding...

my mother's smile in this one especially.

a reply from a soldier in Iraq... thanking me for the letter I sent her.

Getting to know her through the sweet things she shared with me...

the baby smell of my nieces...

and sophia's little personality.

Simple Things that make me Happy. Deliriously Happy.

and because of Erin's sharing, this happy list of mine will donate $1 to Doctors without Borders to help those in Haiti thanks to Christina at Soul Aperture. Amazing hearts out there in blogland. Amazing.

thank-you Christina! xo

Seven + Me.

the beautiful friend of all birds extraordinaire (& hopefully my first friend in my new city) Danielle of Dinosaur Toes & the cute-as-a-button Sanders of On The Bright Side tagged yours truly to amaze you with 7 facts of me.

i love these tags because this kind of randomness may not come out in regular conversation and i'm all about random factuals.

1. Meet Maverick, my bichon frise. She's named after my favourite Dallas NBA team. I let her sleep in bed with us most nights... much to the dismay of my husband-to-be.


2. i believe in handwritten letters. i wrote the below to Gemma, sharing a time in my life that included an island mattress in a new home/post breakup. I recently joined postcrossing, asking senders to tell me about their day, share a favorite excerpt from a novel, or confess a secret I'd keep. (these are the kind of messages i write)

3. i have a twin sister i call twinkie. i love being a twin, there is NO relationship like it. This is our first time being apart and i miss her.

"A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost."

4. my winter wardrobe is my summer one with stockings/tights.

5. my kitchen decor is roosters. Sounds cliche, i know BUT there's a story behind it. Back when i was anchoring my weekend morning show, there was a story about a cock fighting bust. I wouldn't say "cock" on air. For some reason, it didn't feel right to say it on a sunday morning so i said "rooster fighting" instead. My then best friend (now brand new fiance) laughed at me for this and since then, i've collected artsy roosters for our kitchen.

6. i kept sand taken off an italian beach from this picture. The little fish souvenir is from Croatia. The italian romance of my dolce vita gave it to me after visiting Croatsia (how he pronounced it).

7. you all know i'm a wino. i'm a sentimental one at that: i've kept all the wine bottles me and Max have shared on important occasions.

I'm tagging M, Chelsea Rebecca, Risti, Saltina, Cynthia, Iris, & Megan.

If I didn't tag you, please leave me some interesting random facts about you anyway, so i can get to know you better. Thanks lovies!!! xo

My Christmas Wish List....

can be found on Belle's blog, It's all make believe, isn't it?

i was overjoyed when she sent me an email telling me about her fun fun series:



wanna see my wish list? she featured my grown up Christmas List today!!! I was sooooo excited!!!!

let her know what you think of the things i picked out for Santa to get me. [wink]

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. -e.e. cummings

The awesome Jenni of Absent Minded tagged me with the Kreativ Blogger award! i always feel special when i get tagged, so thank-you Jenni!!!

& i love this award. instead of telling you 7 things about me that you may not know... i decided to do a twist and show you 7 things from Casa di M that tell you about me. And then i'll tag 7 friends and hope you girls will do the same kind of twist! deal? so here's pieces of my home that show me:

1.) a corner of my bathroom. I like vintage touches. i bought this purse (with the pinup looking drawing) ages ago and found it works well to hold my girly things... yup, if you're a girl and come over & need a tampon? that's where i keep the supply.

2.) i loved this picture when i saw it at a garage sale. i had to have it. i love unexpected kindness.

3.) these book titles in my collection describe me. (that last one is one of my absolute faves. "i wish someone were waiting for me somewhere." i've written an excerpt i loved here. i suggest it lovies)

4.) in high school i worked at a department store in lingerie. when they did a redesign, i got to take this framed print home. i liked it because the bra looked like mine... tiny.

5.) i dream of shopping for clothes only at thrift stores. these were my last purchase at goodwill. i love wearing them with skirts and a t.

6.) i always wonder about the life they led before finding a new purpose in my closet. like this clutch. i know there's a fine line drawn here between trendy & ugly with this clutch BUT! this clutch, this clutch is special. my friend erik gave it to me. it belonged to his grandmother. there's also a mirror of hers inside a thin paper envelope that i've kept in it's pocket. So i love this clutch & wonder about the adventures she had with it. Like times she took the mirror out to put her lipstick on while out on a date.

i opened this clutch (after just rediscovering it in my things) and found a ticket stub from 2006. this clutch has shared adventures with me already.

7.) the summer i was 19 i fell in love with italy. it was my dolce vita. i loved under the tuscan sun, sipped too many european drinks, and stayed out til sunset on too many nights. i've kept outfits that will never fit the same (like itty bitty bikinis), because it is what i wore during a holiday that changed my life. the white dress i wore when i first saw the leaning tower of Pisa. it was at night, which made it magical. it was then that i first understood what the word belissima meant...

so now i'll tag 7 of you to do the same, with a twist please?

i want to see photographs of your casa that show you:

my bestie M at Or So I feel...?

Jackie at Exposed Brick

her bestie Kateigh at {Poprocks} photographs

Camilla at Champagne Bubbles

Katie at Kitchen Door

Anna at Il etait une fois

Mara at M loves M

rhianne, i would have tagged you but you were tagged by Jenni too. still, if you ever have a day you have no idea what to post about, i'd love to see your twist on this award.

and really, anyone else that wants to play- i'd love to see your post!

the girl i want to be / and the girl i am.

always in a fancy dress holding your hand.

indecisive... even about which shoes to wear on an ordinary day.

(pics via we heart it)

a Q&A {thanks M!}

M, took a twist on this award and i loved it!!! a Q&A with yours truly:

1. what is your idea of perfect happiness? laughing with my family. Big, huge laughs that you're crying. My fun family has lots of those. I love hearing my boyfriend's laugh too; i consider him my family. Also, the feeling right after you leave church.

2. what is your most treasured possession? i had a hard time answering this one. I don't have a wedding ring or a valuable heirloom. And at the risk of sounding fairytale sick, this answer i mean: my boyfriend's heart. It's a good heart, a heart i didn't cherish the way i should have from the start. I have his heart in my possession and i know that i don't deserve it. It is my most treasured possession and i don't want to ever lose it. ever.

3. if you had to describe yourself in one word, what would it be? random. though i have to share this... i was asking Max last night what he would answer for me and he said, "Joy."

4. what is your greatest fear? not fully letting someone know how much they mean to me. I never want it to be too late.

5. which talent would you most like to have? to sing. to paint.

6. what is your biggest regret? hurting someone i love by being careless.

7. what or who is the greatest love of your life? my future husband but always, always my twinkie soul, marianne.

8. what is the trait you most deplore in yourself? being excessive in everything. M, i'm with you.

9. what would you be doing right now, if nothing could stop you? on a plane to VA, to be with my darling friend. Redecorating our new home. Hugging him.

10. what do you value most in your friends? loyalty and having fun simply "hanging out." openness. your true friends are the ones who won't judge you.

*pic via Bloom, Grow, Love

no more walls.

she wore an itsy bitsy teenie weenie bikini...

purchased at an estate sale this weekend:

A record cover i saw as art + shakespeare.

the cover brought me back to the summer i was 19 on the beaches of italy. Summer of my life. I wore a vintage bathing suit that belonged to my older seester's gf Franka. At 50, Franka is beautiful still... when she was my age then, she was Miss Italy. I loved wearing the suit even more so, for that reason.

the back cover is in b&w

the scan didn't come out as good as i wanted- the date on it is July 2003. You can see how itty bitty my suit was by my tan lines.

and just so you know... this was just an amico, my friend Johnny.

{the one who would break my heart is taking the photo}

i vow to wear more embellishments.

i'm a simple girl when it comes to jewelry.
i tend to think i can't pull it off effortlessly.
so i'm vowing to wear more of it.

these are my current favorite pieces:


The flower pendant i got at a garage sale. A neighbor across the street had one where a cute little old lady was selling a lot of her jewelry. She was touching the pieces i bought and told me she remembered when she wore this one or that one, and you could tell she was recalling memories. i told her i looked forward to creating my own stories wearing them, just like she had.

The vintage styled AMOUR necklace i bought from oh hello friend's etsy.

The Black Wire Bird Nest Necklace is probably my fave. It's unique and for that reason, is always complimented. And then i get to tell them that my pretty friend Belen made it. {You should check out her etsy shop, Belen's Boutique}. My pictures don't do it justice- get a better view here. and while you're at it, check out this cute cute cute rabbit necklace i just purchased from her! isn't she talented?

Let's see how i do on this vow.

The piece i am not taking off for awhile, i have not pictured yet. That will be another day... and no, it's not an engagement ring...