Thursday: July 24, 2008 Grace.

Current mood: focused

My Goal List:

1) Date myself.

Be okay and excited to be in the RIGHT NOW. I'm 24. Maybe I thought by now I'd be married but Moma's going to have to put that Vera Wang order on hold. :) I've found myself single again. Single and fabulous right? with great friends and family and the whole world and it's possibilities in front of me. I STILL have a lot to offer. Since I was 16 I've been in serious relationships..one after the other. Katy joked I'm a "serial monogamist." I'm also a masochist in a way... I always self-inflict pain on myself when it comes to love. I love hard... but I love easily. I loved the substance of a relationship... a constant warm body or constant heart to love me. And yet that was never enough. I need to learn from my mistakes or else what do we learn from the past?

2) Lose weight.

Always the nice incentive after a break up. I've been hitting the gym and trying really hard to watch what I eat and it feels good. Going to the gym is like wearing a nice new outfit-- it's a mind thing.

3) QUIT SMOKING!
enough said.

4) Busy myself in my new job.

Always do the best I can and be happy that this job fell in my lap. My boss wanted ME. There was a reason she emailed me at the station.

5) Get in touch with my friends again.

Because after all, they're the ones that will get me through the rough patches... because it does come and go.

6) Enjoy my new space.

I can't wait to fix up my room at my new house and have fun with my new room mate! drinking wine... inviting friends over... creating new memories.

7) Pray more.

I can not tell you how many people, when I tell them to pray for me, they stop and do it then. It's sincere and makes me cry because of how nice it is to know they mean it. And the sweetest thing is, they also pray for him.

I was reading through the paper today and there was an editorial or column written by Sharon Randall that just touched my heart. I find that is also happening a lot now. It's a welcome because I think words have the power to heal... i think other people's experiences have a way of making you feel less alone. And even though her column wasn't about what I'm going through... still the words fit:

"Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, there is no getting around it: Some storms you have to face head-on.
It is hard to see the beauty in something, anything, that holds in its clutch someone we love.
But sometimes, between the flashes of darkness and light, in the heart-pounding spaces amid hope and despair, we pray for deliverance and are surprised to glimpse the ragged, boundless beauty of a thing called grace.
And somehow, it is enough."

Wish me luck!!!