it hasn't really been that long, but it feels like an eternity since i've spoken to C.
of course my mind wonders to him from time to time... but blessedly, not often and not for long.
honestly it's more so about how wrong i was to him in our relationship. This makes my heart sad to no end. Worse, that i may never get the chance to tell him how so.
we got in a minor misunderstanding via email this morning and at one point i was infuriated.
i hated him and i wanted to hate him...
but then i didn't.
true, it seems easier to be bitter than sad...
i can almost feel myself get cold about it all.
i don't want to be like that.
the other day i found a cute little note he had once written me, a prayer before i ate the snack he packed for me when i was working in the middle of the night.
the little things we often forget/take for granted.
i thought, "how quickly words are forgotten."
by the person who wrote them, and the one they were written for.
i don't want to harbor any ill feelings to this person i loved.
i still will always wish the best for him, and i hope he can be happy for me.
i think we can end bitter sweetly on the last line of his email,
"Thank you for all you did for me."
i don't think i could ever tell him how much that means to me.