The Other Woman.

I couldn't wait to watch Elizabeth Edwards on Oprah last week. Talk about a strong woman. As Oprah quipped, "You belong to a club that a million women unfortunately belong to."

Elizabeth seemed uncomfortable, and no blaming there. She had agreed to do the interview if the other woman's name was NEVER mentioned.

I'm reading a fabulous book i CAN NOT put down that i can't wait to share with you on Thursday. It's painful to read... physically/emotionally hurts when i read these words that seem to have come from my own broken heart; the author describes it so well.

So here's my Confession: I was the other woman.

Granted, their marriage didn't work out *NOT* because of me, and she chose to end it on her own agenda. In fact, he was devasted. A big detail to this is, honestly I never assumed that "we" could be a possibility-- i never planned it or asked for it.

Sure, i was jealous when he'd say without realizing, "we're going on vacation" or "we've bought a new car" or "our dog".... but that's how it was. I knew this.

As the marriage was crumbling, I was there to try and pick up the pieces of him. I was there giving him hope-- and genuine hope--- this was scary to me, the whole unreal situation. I didn't think me and him would ever be a possibility.

After awhile, i thought, how can you be so blind and selfish to literally cry to me about her?

But i stayed. Even when i told him i didn't want to be his crutch and that he NEEDED to figure out his life before he spoke with me again in any kind of intimate sense.

He begged me not to. In fact, his words were, "I can't imagine losing you too. I couldn't handle it." So i stayed.

He divorced her for himself, not for me.

And somehow in the tangled web, we fell in love. Our love grew. OUT IN THE OPEN.

I was the other woman.

and the irony is, we didn't work out because i didn't want to give up what i saw in my future: marriage. He had walked that road and couldn't see doing it, maybe ever.

Out in the open, our love crashed. It burned. It burns me still. Sometimes i wish i had not stayed. That i had been stronger. How DIFFERENT my life would be.

More than the sadness i felt for our ending, is the anger i felt for the time i wasted, spent in secret. We FINALLY FINALLY had it, had a real relationship where we were that couple everyone envied cos of how happy we were. All that waste made me feel our love's death a thousand times worse.

"The Other Woman" by Jeff Buckley

The other woman finds time to manicure her nails
The other woman is perfect where her rival fails
And she's never seen with pin curls in her hair
The other woman enchants her clothes with french perfume
The other woman keeps fresh cut flowers in each room

There are never toys that's scattered everywhere
And when her baby comes to call

He'll find her waiting like a lonesome queen
Cause when she's by his side
It's such a change from old routine

But the other woman will always cry herself to sleep
The other woman will never have his love to keep
And as the years go by the other woman
Will spend her life alone

*pic here.