Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Other Woman.

I couldn't wait to watch Elizabeth Edwards on Oprah last week. Talk about a strong woman. As Oprah quipped, "You belong to a club that a million women unfortunately belong to."

Elizabeth seemed uncomfortable, and no blaming there. She had agreed to do the interview if the other woman's name was NEVER mentioned.

I'm reading a fabulous book i CAN NOT put down that i can't wait to share with you on Thursday. It's painful to read... physically/emotionally hurts when i read these words that seem to have come from my own broken heart; the author describes it so well.

So here's my Confession: I was the other woman.
Granted, their marriage didn't work out *NOT* because of me, and she chose to end it on her own agenda. In fact, he was devasted. A big detail to this is, honestly I never assumed that "we" could be a possibility-- i never planned it or asked for it.

Sure, i was jealous when he'd say without realizing, "we're going on vacation" or "we've bought a new car" or "our dog".... but that's how it was. I knew this.

As the marriage was crumbling, I was there to try and pick up the pieces of him. I was there giving him hope-- and genuine hope--- this was scary to me, the whole unreal situation. I didn't think me and him would ever be a possibility.

After awhile, i thought, how can you be so blind and selfish to literally cry to me about her?

But i stayed. Even when i told him i didn't want to be his crutch and that he NEEDED to figure out his life before he spoke with me again in any kind of intimate sense.

He begged me not to. In fact, his words were, "I can't imagine losing you too. I couldn't handle it." So i stayed.
He divorced her for himself, not for me.
And somehow in the tangled web, we fell in love. Our love grew. OUT IN THE OPEN.

I was the other woman.
and the irony is, we didn't work out because i didn't want to give up what i saw in my future: marriage. He had walked that road and couldn't see doing it, maybe ever.

Out in the open, our love crashed. It burned. It burns me still. Sometimes i wish i had not stayed. That i had been stronger. How DIFFERENT my life would be.

More than the sadness i felt for our ending, is the anger i felt for the time i wasted, spent in secret. We FINALLY FINALLY had it, had a real relationship where we were that couple everyone envied cos of how happy we were. All that waste made me feel our love's death a thousand times worse.

"The Other Woman" by Jeff Buckley

The other woman finds time to manicure her nails
The other woman is perfect where her rival fails
And she's never seen with pin curls in her hair
The other woman enchants her clothes with french perfume
The other woman keeps fresh cut flowers in each room

There are never toys that's scattered everywhere
And when her baby comes to call

He'll find her waiting like a lonesome queen
Cause when she's by his side
It's such a change from old routine

But the other woman will always cry herself to sleep
The other woman will never have his love to keep
And as the years go by the other woman
Will spend her life alone

*pic here.


The Socialite said...

I think you're so much stronger now, especially for being so honest and growing as a person and experiencing something new and wonderful with your darling friend! :) Thank you for sharing such a difficult story. Big hugs to you!
I watched Elizabeth on Oprah and it was really sad to watch. She's such a tough woman to endure her son's death, infidelity and cancer. We all have our battles and we can all become stronger women! :)

Meg Fee said...

i agree with the socialite...you are so much stronger for having gone through it. you are so strong and beautiful and you deserve the best--you deserve what you've always dreamed of.

i fell in love with a guy. he had a girlfriend. he proposed to his girlfriend. probably has married her by now.and i'm still in love with him. probably always will be.

Micaela said...

i adore you girls. ADORE YOU!

thank you for your kind words. I was really scared to share this, but it's a healing process... writing is.

and yes, i do believe i'm on my way to a great great love.

meg, thank you for sharing. thank you!

Courtney said...

This is one of the reasons I LOVE you so so much. You are ALWAYS completely honest with who you are, the mistakes you've made, and what you want from life. I love you so much for sharing this. It seems like now a days, (unfortunately) no one can escape infidelity, cheating, affairs, etc.

Love is complicated. It's hard. We ALL make mistakes when it comes to love. We all do things we wish we could take back. But not all of us are as open and honest as you...

Everything you've been through has made you Micaela!...Made you realize the things you want...It sucks that we have to go through all the crap to get there but that's life! There's always going to be crap to get through!...Mistakes to be made.

But I don't think you wasted your time either...You guys may have had a "toxic" sort of relationship at times, but there was also beauty in it too.

Thank you for sharing...Because it makes me a little more brave to share things and it's therapeutic for you and for all the other women who can relate on some level.

Katie said...

i agree with all of the above! EVERY woman, who is the least bit daring and bold, has messed up at some point in her life. then grown from it.

this was such a special and raw post. thanks for sharing!

Nicole Marie said...

sorry i'm a little late is reading this post but i agree with all the other comments. and thank you for sharing. im sure that wasn't easy.

missy. said...

You are brave my dear friend. I am proud of you for walking away for something you wanted in your future. Some girls cannot give up their boys because of fear.

Bianca J said...

I thought this was a really interesting, honest post and I'm so glad you shared it. I am so glad you didn't compromise and you found the one you're meant to be with. I love that Jeff Buckley song, the Nina Simone version is really interesting too :)

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